Kriyaban Ms. Alina Ryabovolova

 

For the majority of people born and living in Russia, the idea of a relationship with God is a mere abstraction. The Orthodox Church in its present condition is lacking both a purpose and a method, with a 70-year gap in its history during the Soviet times it was made a rather formal institution for most contemporary Russians. There is no one to form a relationship with; no one to explain what this relationship can be about; no one to even linger with you in a moment of meaningful silence and let you grope for the right way-still blindly but already knowing that the right way is there and is possible to find.

 

Social sciences and art are equally incapable of providing any answers. Both are too caught up in playing with the intellectual signs and structures, describing and re-describing the so-called situation, however, turns into yet another excuse for adding tons of good old words to the already impressive mount, with not much hope for finding any practical solutions to the problem.

 

Trying to search for truth in this astounding vicious maze of Western thought and culture is not an easy task. The branchy Western mind refuses to have a moment of rest, going endlessly in circles, short of breath, nibbling on new and new ideas, suffering from constant indigestion and staying as restless, hungry and dissatisfied ever. Trying to flee from suffocating phobias and pressures of their life, looking for peace, Western “spiritual seekers” plunge into Eastern philosophy (Indian or Chinese), but very soon, mistakenly, they start dissecting it, attempting to extract its “intellectual” essence, interpret, analyze, compare and conclude-but never stopping to just make a pause, inhale and…not to think…

All this has been my life for so long and, to a large extent, still is.

 

For me, to end the inner dialogue, to make peace with my body, to step into the realm of unseen, unfelt and unheard, to simply stop is something that requires a complete mobilization of my resources, and even more than that. To do the right thing, I have been taught to think-yet this does not seem to be working any more. For this reason, I need someone who can be a living example of this seemingly unreachable yet most fascinating ideal- a model of being instead of thinking about it, of utter concentration, patience and strength, someone who will not change his mind, someone who will not forget, someone who will stay there for me and others and will be strong enough to counter-balance  all our chaotic and conflicting life experiences with an idea, experience and method of living in God.

 

Could I expect to meet someone like that” And wasn’t that too much to ask from anyone, even a most advanced and highly spiritual human? And what can I say now that I have met Him, how can I express my gratitude if- with the switch that He has given me, and not to worry about the dark part of my life and, earlier or later, tame the little lamb of my ego and hold it softly as I rise back on my throne.